Of An Unknown Date of September and You

This journal entry comes from my de Paris journal notebook. Most of the time, I put everything in this journal notebook, from my emotions to my ranting to slight student council notes to researches to questions of a quiz bowl. I might get hysterical should this thing be out of my touch because it contains, basically, my every day living. It is a simple coffee-table-book-inspired-notebook, with most of its background images taken from the scenic Paris.

This day’s entry, on the other hand, is perhaps one of the most “emo” entry that I’ll be making. In the vernacular, yes, but I hope my AdSense status won’t be blocked because of this entry. Please take note that this is not a poem but rather a slight ranting about an event I still can’t get out of my mind. This was written on an unknown-and-forgot date of September and I can’t remember whether this one is finished or not.

Naa na sad ko, naghuna-huna nimo, nato

Cheesy man nang linya na “I miss you, I miss us,” pero mao man ako na-feel

Nag-status ko sa facebook, ingon ko happy na ko, kay kinahanglan

Dapat happy ra ko, kay feel nako kay kung madepress ko kay madepress sad ka, nya mosamot ka ug layo nako, or ako mosamot ug layo nimo

Di ko ganahan na mawala ka. Dili ko ganahan na mawala ta.

Di ko ganahan mawala ang practice nato nga maglung-ag ka nya ako ang bahala sa sud-an

Ang ato praktis na magdota ko nya maibog ka nya mamugos ka nga pulihan ko

Di ko ganahan mawala ang ato habit na we massage each other

Kana sad motext ka nako ug “gud nyt frend” nya nagdungan diay tag text sa each other

Gimingaw na ko nimo.

Gimingaw na ko sa text sa sun cellular, ang signal na magpatawag ka nako.

Gimingaw na ko nimo.

Gimingaw nako na magtapad ta ug tulog, na together ta magutman ig ka buntag kay wala’y gusto mogawas nato

Pait uy.

Taman ra ko sa pagkamingaw nimo.

Wa man gud koy mabuhat kay bisan pag mingawon ko nimo ug bisag unsa pa ako buhaton, naa man nimo ang problema.

Mas makalain kay morefuse ka na tabangan tika sa imo problema about nato.

Ganahan ko mohilak.

Ganahan ko mobreakdown.

Ganahan ko iblame tanan sa imo kung naunsa man ta.

Pero di nako mabuhat.

Di ko ganahan malain ako image tungod kay imo lang ko easily gi-dump.

As much as possible, di ko ganahan moshow nga nalain ko nimo kay basig hatagan tika ug more reasons na molayo nako.

Hinuon, bisan pag mohilak ko or mobreak down ko, dili na malahi ang fact na dili ka ganahan magsalig nako.

Pero ngano diay?

Unsa diay imo narealize nganong di na man ka ganahan magsalig nako?

Unsa diay naa kung magsalig ka nako?

Nagsalig man sad ko nimo di’ba?

Katulugon ko karon.

Boring man gud ang klase ni madam.

Gikan man gud ko nag-atubang ug computer nya nastress akong mata.

Katulugon ko nagyawyaw ko gabii.

Katulugon ko kay dugay ko natulog kay nagproblema ko kung unsaon nako ang nahitabo sa ato.

Katulugon ko kay sige ko ug huna-huna gabii kung unsa jud nagdagan sa imo huna-huna karon.

Wa ko katarong ug tulog kay wa ko naanad sa smell sa ako unlan ug habol.

Naanad na ko sa punk smell sa imo unlan.

Naanad ko sa imo habol.

Naanad ko na before matulog, wala koy problemahon kay kibaw ko naa ra ka diha.

Naanad ko pagmata nako kay naa ra ka diha.

Karon, dili ko katarong ug tulog kay sige ra ko ug worry nimo.

Sige ra ko ug worry nako, na basin any time from now mobreak-down nako, or basin mogive-up

Sige ra ko ug worry na basin ugma or sa sunod kay biyaan na jud ko nimo totally

Nagworry ko ug dako na dili na jud ta mabalik

Nagworry ko ug dako kay ganahan pa jud ko na mabalik ang ta kung unsa man ta.

Weird baya ko the past few days.

Sa una, di man ikaw ang first ug last na mosud sa ako huna-huna

Wala man tika girpoblema sa una ba.

Karon, ikaw tanan. Halos tanan.

Pagmata nako, magthink ko ug moencourage ko sa akong self nga dili mogive-up nato.

(ends here.. guess this one is unfinished.)

Should you read this one, please know that I miss you.

I miss you.

On Reading and Various Thoughts

Just a month ago, I "unearthed" a few interesting books that contained interesting topics. The last that I read was for academic purposes. Never during the last semester that I read a book of my interest. Upon the discovery of the said books from the dormitory, I was a bit amazed by the variety of topics it contained. It ranged from Illustrator Tutorial to a collection of short stories, from books of Palahniuk to a collection of essays by Zafra. 'tis a good collection of reading materials, and I picked one authored by Chuck Palahniuk, creator of Rant, perhaps the best narrative that I read for the last 19 years.

'tis titled Lullaby. I am still reading through the pages of it for the mean time, so I can't give a review of it. In its book overview, and even in the first few pages of it, it indicated a culling spell that can turn you into a killer upon reading the item to someone. Babies have been killed, editor of a newspaper been taken life, sons and fathers been dead. "tis a story of life and death, only not through a natural process. Death has been imposed unknowingly by the readers or the caster of the spell. For the moment, what is keeping me from reading the book is Palahniuk's witty and comical and honest description of things. He describes simple things yet they are imposed with simple but complex imaginations. (How is that? Read the book.)

The Badgerine included Lullaby in his/her list of favorite books. He described it as "brilliant" and that "themes of life, death, construction and deconstruction was threaded perfectly throughout the story." S/he also asked whether Palahniuk's books were as good as Lullaby. Far as I read through his books, I really find his style unique and mind-tickling, even at times confusing, yet in the end you will find yourself satisfied and happy that you finish the whole book.

Enough of Lullaby, (perhaps I'll be posting a review of it soon) I've been thinking of starting to read more for my last semester in college. Our professors always reminded us of the beauty of reading and whatever it is that we can get from it, yet I was really not convinced and it led to the untouched situation of my books, especially the academic-oriented ones. Guess I have to give reading a try. Guess I have to convince my brain not to shut down as I begin reading pieces of academic stuff. And I guess I should start now.

On Photos and Brushes and Gradients and Vectors: The Photoshop Way

Been into Photoshop lately. I once had the CS4. Currently, and actually just recently, I replaced this version with Photoshop CS5 (the non-genuine one, thanks seeders! :))) Been caught, looked for serials, activated again, I guess this happened six or seven times. Anyway, been reading tutorials for the program also. However, I am saddened with the non-working status of my 3d element, guess it's with the graphics card.

One very amazing feature of the program is its pen tool, which allows you to create vectors and enabling "cartooning-yourself" feature. Here's an example.

Photoshop is also an important tool for web designers and layout artists in the creation of tabs, logos and graphics that can be used for adverts, promotions and even simple vanity. Here's an example of a vanity-laiden logo of me, which is quite significant so i can put identity to my works. :))

Photoshop also uplifts one's spirit, indirectly, through enhancement of not-so-good-looking photos. (Take Note: I used "enhancement" instead of "editions" because intrinsically, beauty is there, you just have to enhance it. :))) One can give focus on the desired parts and can add shades and bright areas to the photo. You can also experiment on the levels to give the picture a "pictorial" look.

Most of all, what I love about this program, this effin'-cool-program, is that you can do almost everything! You have brushes, you have gradients, you have patterns, you have pen tools, you have shapes, you have almost everything you need for a grand work! This program is Photoshop, and this programs is COOL.

ps. sorry for the vanity.